Wow, it's been years since I last wrote here. if you asked me, I would have said I took a few months off. They were very long months...
Since my last post:
The lovely poet passed away, though she lives on in memory and inspiration and in so many hearts.
We are on rat number 5 or 6, Ollie. He is a darling. He is also our last for a while.
The ancient dog lives on, with the addition of nappies.
Why I was drawn back:
The thing that brought me back here is an illness that took hold first of my husband, then of me, almost a year ago. It has been his first serious bout with the black dog that is depression. It's not my first go round, not even my worst, but it's been pretty awful.
I've been sharing some of what I go through on Facebook for two reasons: It's an illness that many are embarrassed to speak about, sufferers and non-sufferers alike. It's invisible, so many still don't think it exists. It can leave its sufferers powerless to help themselves, so some surmise that only weak people get it.
On top of that, it's a nasty, confidence-corroding illness that tells the sufferer that they are a failure, and not worth listening to. That they are weak - and in its most insidious moments, that those around them would be better off without them. That they shouldn't burden others with their suffering because they'll only hurt them, alienate them, and piss them off.
And that...that is how we lose people to it.
Bummer, huh? But it's not all doom and gloom.
No, really.
I laugh, I joke, I fall foul of gravity and inanimate objects. Often.
Sometimes I get smothered by a howling despair so empty and awful that I don't think I can bear it for even one more minute.
And then I prove that weakness fallacy is a myth, as I pull my ass back out of the depths and find something to laugh at again. Frequently myself, because I can be hopelessly, hysterically hapless at the best of times, never mind the worst.
I wanted to send postcards from this place. I wanted people to know they could talk about it to me, and that they should talk about it with their friends or family, or with others who are going through it. I wanted to dispel some of the mystery and push away the fog of shame. Because this is an illness. Just an illness.
But Facebook is snapshots and quick posts, and this is a subject that sometimes needs a little more than that. So here I am, back again.
I pretty much pinky promise it won't be all misery and darkness. That would be tedious for all concerned, and no-one would ever come back for more. Besides, I'm a bit like Dory, so the randomness will always rule. It's just that there's a new facet to this blog, now.
So yep, see ya again soon
